theexposer
The Exposer- Exposing Online Predators Who Prey on Vulnerable Adults- Expose Yours: EXPOSER@37.COM
Soul Rape
noThe Search for the Path from Target to Survivor
By: redscarlet
If I was being beaten to death that still would not be able to penetrate through the pain of the rape that was perpetrated on my soul. Crying from inside the depths of a depleted heart; a heart torn into shreds by agony with no way to escape; the sounds of the confusion pumping through my veins. I can only describe to you as best I can what it feels like to be ripped apart inside your soul and left with nothing but questions, regret and anger what I was led to believe must be my fault for allowing.
At the same time, who has the right to break into a person this way after profiling them over a period of time? Who gives these pathological predators the right to dissect our every move and persona for the purpose of feeding off of it to acquire fuel for their sick "supply"?
Disbelief and denial are huge factors to overcome with what you now must learn to accept. Replaying over and over in your mind how words and actions could have more than one meaning. All the while trying to replace the lies and facade that you have been up against all along. I need to know how this lie was implanted into the corridors of all my memory. I need to know the truth in its entirety to be able to move now and go forward to find my way to some sort of peace. The peace of the survivor state.
You're so alone in this place. No matter how much you try to find common ground with others, no matter how much you seek those who you think you can gain more insight from, it's up to you to either figure it out or let it eat you alive. Unless you walk backwards through the events with cold, hard honesty, you can't unravel the confusion and get to the source of the pain. You were controlled, your mind was manipulated and used against you. You are the only one that can see into the unexplainable places no matter how you try to paint the picture differently. Otherwise it will be the same things you run from in denial, only to end up back again -- trying to face it -- so you can begin to regain some ground.
Revictimization, such as when the predator blames you and projects it all back on you takes you back through it upside down. Like Alice in Wonderland -- seeing the truth for what it is; though not completely through your denial, the view is still distorted. But it's there in your face again -- a brutal, more vivid reality. Hitting bottom where the ground is closer to you and feels more distinct. Things are still there, only different. (shock)
Now that you realize it was that bad - the reality just hits you harder in the head. Now it's harder to linger in any denial to escape the actual truth.
You know now that you were hit, taken down and destroyed. You know that the person who ran you over and ripped you apart is not even real because they are incapable of feeling anything. You know now you're a victim of a creature with no humanity or remorse. A psychopath. A predator.
So there you are. Just the remnants of what used to be you. And nothing will happen to them. They learn nothing except how to be sneakier and more complete in their destruction next time. They resume their life and continue the hunt for their next conquests. Though they meant everything to you, you meant nothing to them. No one and nothing means anything to them.
For you -- now is the time to accept that the truth that won't change no matter how much you take it apart, look at it, piece it back together, take it apart again and try to make sense of it. You can't. You can't because you weren't dealing with someone who thinks, acts or reacts like you. You were dealing with a predator. You know this reality now. You see the horrible ugliness of what it is.
Now you're a stranger to yourself. You don't know the person you are now, you only know that your not the same as you were. You see things differently, you see people differently. You carefully read peoples movements and actions, their expressions, to find out who can be trusted. If anyone at all can be trusted. The innocence is gone but so is that danger of not knowing.
The next question is what to do with it. Will you allow the pain to transform you & your life into something better? Or will allow people to keep pushing you down while you wallow in your victimhood?
By: redscarlet
If I was being beaten to death that still would not be able to penetrate through the pain of the rape that was perpetrated on my soul. Crying from inside the depths of a depleted heart; a heart torn into shreds by agony with no way to escape; the sounds of the confusion pumping through my veins. I can only describe to you as best I can what it feels like to be ripped apart inside your soul and left with nothing but questions, regret and anger what I was led to believe must be my fault for allowing.
At the same time, who has the right to break into a person this way after profiling them over a period of time? Who gives these pathological predators the right to dissect our every move and persona for the purpose of feeding off of it to acquire fuel for their sick "supply"?
Disbelief and denial are huge factors to overcome with what you now must learn to accept. Replaying over and over in your mind how words and actions could have more than one meaning. All the while trying to replace the lies and facade that you have been up against all along. I need to know how this lie was implanted into the corridors of all my memory. I need to know the truth in its entirety to be able to move now and go forward to find my way to some sort of peace. The peace of the survivor state.
You're so alone in this place. No matter how much you try to find common ground with others, no matter how much you seek those who you think you can gain more insight from, it's up to you to either figure it out or let it eat you alive. Unless you walk backwards through the events with cold, hard honesty, you can't unravel the confusion and get to the source of the pain. You were controlled, your mind was manipulated and used against you. You are the only one that can see into the unexplainable places no matter how you try to paint the picture differently. Otherwise it will be the same things you run from in denial, only to end up back again -- trying to face it -- so you can begin to regain some ground.
Revictimization, such as when the predator blames you and projects it all back on you takes you back through it upside down. Like Alice in Wonderland -- seeing the truth for what it is; though not completely through your denial, the view is still distorted. But it's there in your face again -- a brutal, more vivid reality. Hitting bottom where the ground is closer to you and feels more distinct. Things are still there, only different. (shock)
Now that you realize it was that bad - the reality just hits you harder in the head. Now it's harder to linger in any denial to escape the actual truth.
You know now that you were hit, taken down and destroyed. You know that the person who ran you over and ripped you apart is not even real because they are incapable of feeling anything. You know now you're a victim of a creature with no humanity or remorse. A psychopath. A predator.
So there you are. Just the remnants of what used to be you. And nothing will happen to them. They learn nothing except how to be sneakier and more complete in their destruction next time. They resume their life and continue the hunt for their next conquests. Though they meant everything to you, you meant nothing to them. No one and nothing means anything to them.
For you -- now is the time to accept that the truth that won't change no matter how much you take it apart, look at it, piece it back together, take it apart again and try to make sense of it. You can't. You can't because you weren't dealing with someone who thinks, acts or reacts like you. You were dealing with a predator. You know this reality now. You see the horrible ugliness of what it is.
Now you're a stranger to yourself. You don't know the person you are now, you only know that your not the same as you were. You see things differently, you see people differently. You carefully read peoples movements and actions, their expressions, to find out who can be trusted. If anyone at all can be trusted. The innocence is gone but so is that danger of not knowing.
The next question is what to do with it. Will you allow the pain to transform you & your life into something better? Or will allow people to keep pushing you down while you wallow in your victimhood?
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