The Exposer- Exposing Online Predators Who Prey on Vulnerable Adults- Expose Yours: EXPOSER@37.COM

theexposer When a narcissist (most cyber predators are NARCISSISTIC or SOCIOPATHIC!) launches one of his surprise attacks, a normal person's first reaction is to assume it's a misunderstanding and try to resolve it. That's her first mistake. She does this because she assumes she is dealing with a normal human being, who must have felt offended by something.

But a narcissist evades and discourages your attempts to find out why he's mad.

Typically he does this with a reply that is a reply to something other than what you said. So, to an observer who entered at your question it would seem that you are like two actors saying lines from the scripts of different plays. In fact, that is essentially what's happening. Remember, the narcissist has the personality of a little child, who does not distinguish between reality and fantasy. So, his off-the-wall reply IS a line from a script, the fiction about this incident that he is imagining.

This is how the verbal exchange typically plays out. You ask why he's mad. He has no answer that he dares acknowledge, so the question is a threat to his delusions. At all costs, he must protect them. So, he annihilates your question by acting as though you never asked it. You get a comeback that replies to something other than what you said.

That's his way of crossing out your words and revising them. Typically his nonanswer hurls an incitatory insult, hurtful flippant comment or wild accusation. It's bait to draw you off the scent.

His favorite wild accusation is that you are always hurling wild accusations at him. Before you know it, this living, breathing Projection Machine is acting out a fictitious script in which you are the one who got mad, you are the one "flying into one of your rages" over nothing.

AND he is doing his best to make it so. He is trying to outrage you. For more on this game of projecting his own feelings on you and then trying to make you display them, see Projective Identification. Moreover, outraging you will really make him feel grand about how mightily he vaunted himself on you. 

People typically report that the narcissist twists everything so fast and furiously that it makes their heads spin.

Sanity will get no further with him on these points than it did on the first point. For, he ain't all there. He's off in his own little world, simultaneously writing the play and acting out the part of the hero in it. If you contradict these lies, he will do whatever is necessary to cram them down your throat.  (sounds like Beckstead, Thomas & Gridney/ YidwithLid)

Like a three-year-old, volume is his weapon of choice: He will scream to yell you down and silence you.  Or post smear about you all over the web. If that doesn't work, he'll probably get physical.

Also, narcissists relentlessly block communication by yanking a conversation bewilderingly off track every which way at once.  They say it's "not a good idea" that you two talk.  Maybe their girlfriend, wife or boss doesn't want you talking anymore.  They LOVE when THEY'VE involved you in infidelity - they BLAME you for the whole thing and then their counselor says that "you have to stop speaking to her."  Makes it really easy for them, don't it?

So, rarely can you say afterwards what a rage or an argument was even about. Usually it's some vague rendition of you just being the way you are. And the narcissist says he doesn't have to put up with that.  Its HIS story - or its NO STORY!!

You can't even just try to smooth it over with some form of appeasement.   You take down postings about them, say you're sorry, offer to talk - but NOOOOOOO! That's about as effective as it was with Adolf Hitler.

His eyes light up at that — vroom! — he just shifts into high gear and runs you over. In other words, he just gets madder. Because you gave an inch, he takes a mile.

He acts like he's the one who is outraged, but that's part of the farce produced by his Magical Thinking Machine. You are the one subjected to outrage.

This is a willful and wanton outrage. Their aim is to outrage you, to break you down into burning outraged tears. That's victory for the bully.

The reason all this outrages you is because it is an outrage. Especially in trying to cram his lies about you down your throat. That's extreme perversity — making someone bend over for it. And, if you have any respect for Truth, his willful and wanton contempt for it is another outrage.

So, don't let anybody send you on a guilt trip over this. First, you did nothing to provoke it except get caught in his cross hairs. Second, don't let any airhead who just mouths whatever nonsense blows in the wind today tell you that you shouldn't be angry or to "just let it go."

It is absurd to regard feelings as wrong or sinful. If a person gets burnt, there's something wrong with him if he doesn't feel burnt. Feelings are not a matter of choice, an act of the will. We can lie about them. We can deny/repress them. But we can't change them.

Know your anger. Because it's dangerous to repress it. Doing so just banishes it to the subconscious where it still motivates your behavior like an unseen puppet master.

Know your anger, so you can deal with it appropriately and temper it with reason and good judgment.