The Exposer- Exposing Online Predators Who Prey on Vulnerable Adults- Expose Yours: EXPOSER@37.COM
How Abusers, Predators & Players Do It: NLP, Mind Control & Seduction Techniques
We talk a great deal on this site about the seduction techniques used by cyberpaths. Similar techniques are used by seducers offline as well. Anyone - we mean ANYONE - irregardless of how smart or savvy you are - is a potential target.

This doesn't make you stupid, gullible or irresponsible.

These techniques are used by Advertisers, Marketers, Politicians, even Con Men and Success Seminar Gurus. We are exposed to it every day - so much so that we no longer see it.

Here's just a few of the  clickable links we hope you read to learn more about the science of everyday seduction that's readily available on the internet:

NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming

Review of The Art of Seduction

Influence at work -- Site that explains the different tools of influence and how they're used. Based on Cialdini's 7 Principles of influence.

Encyclopedia of NLP -- Defines key terms in NLP, a collection of psychological influence and therapeutic techniques.

Neurosemantics.com -- great online resource for NLP, state control and modelling.

How to Become an Irresistible and Hypnotic Communicator.

Cognitive Dissonance - A definition and how it works. (Something we all do everyday)


Influence Women With the Power of a Cult Leader! - sound like a joke? Then why do all the cyberpaths sound so much ALIKE??

Seduce Women Using Seduction Techniques

Don Juan Discussion Forum Yes, you were right girls - they DO discuss how to do it!

Make Any Woman Sexually Addicted to You

Life of Brian Not only does he blog about it - he makes a living giving how to seminars.

Erotic Hypnosis & Hypno-Seduction - "
The state of arousal is created to overcome resistance or, even better, to lead the victim of the seduction process to apparently take control of the situation, by performing the physical action ultimately desired by the seducer or the seductress."

The Sage of Seduction are we starting to get the picture here?


Conditions for mind control:
Psychologist Margaret Singer described in her book "Cults in our Midst" six conditions, which would, she says, create an atmosphere where thought reform (online predators 'groom' their prey using thought reform) is possible. Singer sees no need for physical coercion.

-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)

-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)

-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)

-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)

(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)

"The descendants of Casanova of our time are called Ross Jeffries, Major Mark Cunningham, Rob Johnson and David De Angelo. They organize seminars and then sell audio- and videotapes on which their techniques for the allure and capture of worthy specimen of the female gender are taught. For our purposes, especially the material by Ross Jeffries is interesting, since his "Female Psychic Attack" - techniques often tap into the power of NLP for eliciting states of arousal. One of the techniques used by Jeffries for states elicitation is the use of metaphors to stimulate images of sexual nature by bypassing the filtering of the conscious mind. [...]

"[...] elements that are necessary for creating an emotional basis for a sexual act, really anticipating it, while he is apparently talking about a documentary he saw, and therefore cannot be blamed for explicit sexual talk. The real information gets through the filtering of the conscious and is perfectly understood by the subconscious of the target, who then creates the desired images of sexual content in her mind, intensifying therefore the state elicited through the embedded commands that Ross speaks out.

Speed Seducer has developed hundreds of patterns like the one mentioned before, all ready to be used by his students. But these scripts are not the only interesting aspect of Ross' work: Weasel phrases like "if I were to say to you", for example, tend to introduce a daring compliment or proposal while contemporarily providing a step-back path. Ross provides his students with many of these conversational tools. [...] A folkloristic note about Mr. Speed Seduction: the guy interpreted in Magnolia by Tom Cruise is based on the character of Ross Jeffries, though you will find in that movie no valuable information in regard of his taught material and his seminars (as well as his behaviour on stage) are much different than the one seen in the movie, though he surely is proud of his masculinity. [...] - [quoted from: Keys To Erotic Hypnosis]

Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - but how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated? - Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see. Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you sucked in before you know what hit you. - Fighter

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The Narcissist / Psychopath and their Smear Campaigns
On their way through life, narcissists leave a trail of trashed good names in their wake. This is a serious problem in the workplace, for narcissists often destroy the careers of their betters. Narcissistic managers and administrators often are who destroy the career and credibility of anyone who doesn't participate in a lynching and therefore is a threat to blow the whistle.

Here are two PERFECT EXAMPLES: Click HERE and HERE

The narcissist is a slanderer partly to get attention. (Notice that the finger-pointer in the picture above has his other hand raised to get attention.) But he is a slanderer mainly because he must be one to create his phony image. He makes himself look good by making others look bad.

Yet narcissists are not the only people who create a false image of themselves. If you want to call it close, virtually everybody does, even that paragon of honesty, Prince Hamlet.

In a world that surrounds us with the prying eyes of fault-finders, we would be traitors to ourselves if we were not at least modest about the things we should be ashamed of. Especially insofar as they are none of anybody else's business. In fact, it's a virtue to keep what's private private. It is the moral equivalent of wearing clothes.

Yet narcissists are different: they are hypocrites = for looks only. They think a thing ain't wrong if they get away with it. In other words, they confuse appearances with reality. Consequently, they have no conscience — just an unconscience. That is, they repress their conscience. Hence, what they do in the dark is shockingly different than what they do in the light of day. These are the people who put make-up on their image a little too thick in spots.  ....they confuse appearances with reality.
....they project instead of repent.

Since it's all about their image, as Hamlet's mother said, they view sin as some kind of taint instead of as moral illness, or spiritual dis-ease. This is what gives them the notion that it can be "washed away" or smeared off. No wonder that, to get rid of it, they project instead of repent.

Projection is the Oldest Trick in the Book.
Magicians call it "misdirection."

The Serpent pulled it on Eve when he accused God of being the liar. ("God told you THAT?") Stupid Eve should have looked at the other end of that pointed finger for the liar

As St. Paul does when he says that if somebody condemns others of being [fill in the blank], you can bet your bippy that he is one himself. Sometimes in a different way, but always at least the moral equivalent of one.* Paul was in line with the ancient Hebrew scriptures. Their name for the spirit in which people do this is satan, which means the "finger-pointer," the "name-slayer" (slanderer), the "prosecutor/persecutor," or the "accuser."

In some places (e.g., the Book of Job) they also call him "the policer of the world." Which makes me wonder why religious leaders think that condemning these and those for this and that all the time is a good deed.

This trick still works great today: I know of one narcissist who was a pedophile and for many years kept people from noticing the glaring warning signs in his own behavior by spreading rumors about one single teacher after another at his school. (He, of course, was married.)

* An example of what I mean by moral equivalence: Mr. Self-Righteous union-busts to keep the workers in his shoe factory so poor they go barefoot — and shows moral indignation in loudly condemning his neighbor for "muzzling an ox trampling the grain."

The worst thing about projection is that mud sticks best to a clean spot.

The rules about projection are in the Book of Leviticus, prescribed in the ritual for the Day of Atonement.

Christianity has inherited them. The scapegoat must be the cleanest, most perfect potential victim available, the one with the most potential to do well in the world.

(Sloppy thinking has twisted the meaning a full 180 degrees: these ugly demonstrations of the human race in action, symbolically performed by abominable cruelty to an animal, were intended to shame us. Not to prescribe this travesty of justice as the way to purify ourselves and win salvation from justice.)

 The worst thing about projection is that mud sticks best to a clean spot.

I'm sure that people who do this think they're clever, but it's childsplay. Send a muddy child into an unsupervised school yard and wait to see what happens. He will rub himself off on every cleaner, smaller child he can find, till they are all crying and he looks good by comparison.

Looks good by comparison. Those are the all-important words. The hypocrite makes himself look good by comparison with others. He does that the easy way — by making others look bad. This is the root of envy. Which is not a rare motive for what people say about others. It's a common motive.

In a moment of self awareness, the hypocrite says, "Well, I may not be perfect, but I'm not as bad as others are." Then he instantly looks for somebody to make himself look better than = somebody to rub himself off on. And he's certainly smart enough to pick somebody pretty good to look better than!

So, narcissists are by no means alone in doing this. It's just that they invest so much energy in doing it. They are fixated on their image to the point that it is uppermost in their mind 100% of the time.

In contrast, normal people project only when on the defensive. And then they're likely to shake themselves off on whoever happens to be near at the moment. So, their aim is poor, and sometimes they project a flaw off onto somebody who actually has it.

But a narcissist's aim is impeccable.

For example, whom does he call a liar? The most honest person around. Who does he say is dangerous? The savior of the group. Every single time.

His talent for farce is so great that you could mistake him for astute. Also, normal people have normal, human and loving relationships. So they don't smear themselves off on just anybody. They wouldn't dream of harming those near and dear. And they stick to slander (which has at least some degree of truth in it), rarely engaging in calumny (lies). When they do calumniate somebody, he or she is an enemy.

Even then they don't go hog-wild and calumniate somebody so badly and so widely as to destroy them and ruin their lives. Not so with the narcissist. He is a child with no sense of measure or moderation. He loves only himself. He has no normal human relationships. He relates to people as objects.

In fact, he is most likely to smear off on somebody he owes gratitude, because needing help damages his image. So he repays help as though it were an insult. He must devalue it by devaluing the giver of it, as if such a contemptible person is incapable of really helping somebody as grand as he.

He is most likely to smear off on somebody he owes gratitude, because needing help damages his image. So he repays help as though it were an insult.
(a PERFECT example of this HERE)

Since he is a little child, the only reign on a narcissist's behavior is what he feels he can get away with. So, the more he gets away with, the more repressed guilt he has to purge himself of. The bad thing about repressed guilt is that it is an unconscious puppet master. Scripture calls it "the demon lurking at the door." The door being the way out, the escape, through repentance.

This could be why narcissists get worse with age. The load of repressed guilt they keep trying to purge themselves of (in a way that only dirties them more) gets so heavy that the wild accusations they make get viciouser and viciouser. It's as though they get drunk on blood. They become living, breathing Projection Machines.

Projection becomes such a knee-jerk reflex that a narcissist accuses his victim of doing to him the very thing (or essentially the same thing) as he is in the very act of doing to the victim.

This creates bizarre scenes that make you wonder whether the narcissist is hallucinating or tripping out on psychedelic drugs. You feel like Alice in Wonderland. You have to pinch yourself and wonder whether "it's me or him that is crazy."

If you've ever thought that, congratulations. It means you're not. The narcissist never thinks that: he just accuses whoever he abuses of being the crazy one. (I said "crazy," not "insane." There's a difference.) The narcissist never thinks [he's crazy]: he just accuses whoever he abuses of being the crazy one.

Another big difference between narcissists and normal people when they're projecting on you is that narcissists expect you to share their delusion. Yes! You cannot help but perceive this as gaslighting.

Narcissists try to make you be what they say you are because, like a psychopath, they view you as an object, not as a human person with perceptions and a mind of your own.* They view you as an extension of themselves (like a tool) to control. It is the moral equivalent of the control a rapist thinks he has over the body of another, whom he views as but an object, an extension of himself, an executioner of HIS will.

Psychologists call this bizarre behavior projective identification, a defense mechanism. The narcissist wants you to identify with the image he projects on you. You are a mirror to reflect his fantasy, so he pressures you to behave as though it is real.

* A narcissist's need to conform you to his or her specifications can go to bizarre extremes. For example, I know of one female narcissist who, during an assault on her sister, habitually forced her up against a wall and then spent a long time moving and twisting her sister's arms about to position them grotesquely — thus forcing her sister into different "shapes."

Behave is the key word.

Narcissists do not connect with reality: appearances are all that matter in their world. So, you can lay out your grievances to a narcissist in a letter to let him know what you think, but if tomorrow you encounter him and act as though none of it happened, he is perfectly satisfied.

So, though the narcissist's projective identification seems like gaslighting and affects the victim like gaslighting, it is not gaslighting in the strictest sense of the word.

For the narcissist only cares how you behave; he does not care what you think. He doesn't think at all about what you think. In fact, you can crash his brain by asking, "What do you think I think about you?" The question does not even compute.

Bottom Line: Anyone who outshines a narcissist diminishes the glow of his glory. So, that person had better be somebody with power that he fears or had better lay low and get away.

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How Guilt Makes an Abuser / Predator React
When it comes to predators, narcissists and players - their guilty conscience at being caught can bring about rage and sometimes violent reactions.  Here's some web links and excerpts to help you understand:

How do narcissists react to criticism?


The narcissist is forever trapped in the unresolved conflicts of his childhood. This compels him to seek resolution by re-enacting these conflicts with significant others. But he is likely to do either of two:

  1. To "re-charge" the conflict "battery", or
  2. Re-enact the conflict with another.

The narcissist relates to his human environment through his unresolved conflicts. It is the energy of the tension thus created that sustains him.

The narcissist is a person driven by parlously imminent eruptions, by the unsettling prospect of losing his precarious balance. Being a narcissist is a tightrope act. The narcissist must remain alert and on-edge. Only in a constant state of active conflict does he attain the requisite levels of mental arousal.

This periodical interaction with the objects of his conflicts sustains the inner turmoil, keeps the narcissist on his toes, infuses him with the intoxicating feeling that he is alive.

The narcissist perceives every disagreement – let alone criticism – as nothing short of a threat. 

He reacts defensively. He becomes indignant, aggressive and cold. He detaches emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. He devalues the person who made the disparaging remark.

By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant (the person who exposed or criticized him) – the narcissist minimises the impact of the disagreement or criticism on himself. This is a defence mechanism known as cognitive dissonance.

When confronting adversity fails, some narcissists resort to denial, which they apply to their "extensions" (family, business, workplace, friends) as well. (i.e. - "I didn't do it" or "it never happened" or "it didn't happen they way they said" etc...)

Take, for example, the narcissist’s family.  "Not to wash the family's dirty linen in public" is a common exhortation. Same for their friends.

Criticising, disagreeing, or exposing these fiction and lies, penetrating the  facade, are considered to be mortal sins. The sinner is immediately subjected to severe and constant emotional harassment, guilt and blame, and to abuse, including physical abuse.

Behaviour modification techniques are liberally used by the narcissist to ensure that the skeletons do stay in the cupboards.

Note - Narcissistic Rage:

Narcissistic rage is not a reaction to stress - it is a reaction to a perceived slight, insult, criticism, or disagreement.
Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury.
Rage has two forms, though:
I. Explosive - The narcissist erupts, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive.
II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) - the narcissist sulks, gives the silent treatment, and is plotting how to punish the transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and haunt the objects of their frustration. (though they will try to say it is the trangressor who exposed them who is the "stalker" (e.g. blame-shifting)

They try to sabotage and damage the work, reputation and or possessions of people whom they regard to be the sources of their mounting frustration.


(more excerpts from another site

 A victim is often the target of angry outbursts, sarcasm, or cool indifference. The  abuser's reaction to these actions is frequently cloaked in a "What's wrong with  you?" attitude. She is accused of "making a mountain out of a molehill." Over time she loses her balance and equilibrium and begins to wonder if she is the one who is crazy.

The key to healing is to recognize verbal abuse for what it is and to begin to take deliberate steps to stop it and bring healing. Since the abuser is usually in denial,  the responsibility for recognizing verbal abuse often rests with the partner.

Verbal abuse may be overt (through angry outbursts and name- calling) or covert (involving very subtle comments, even something that approaches brainwashing). Overt verbal abuse is usually blaming and accusatory, and consequently confusing to the partner. Covert verbal abuse, which is hidden aggression, is even more confusing to the partner. Its aim is to control her without her knowing.

Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling. Even disparaging comments  may be voiced in an extremely sincere and concerned way. But the goal is to control and manipulate.

Verbal abuse is insidious. The partner's self-esteem gradually diminishes, usually without her realizing it. She may consciously or unconsciously try to change her behavior so as not to upset the abuser.

Verbal abuse is not a side issue. It is the issue in the relationship. When a couple is having an argument about a real issue, the issue can be resolved. In a verbally abusive relationship, there is no specific conflict. The issue is , the abuse and this issue is not resolved. There is no closure.

Verbal abuse expresses a double message. There is incongruence between the way the abuser speaks and his real feelings. For example, he may sound very sincere and honest while he is telling his partner what is wrong with her.

Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety. The verbal abuse may begin with put-downs disguised as jokes. Later other forms might surface.

This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser
who sees others, including his partner as an adversary.  He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!"   

Countering is very destructive to a relationship because it prevents the partner
from knowing what her mate thinks about anything. Sometimes the verbal abuser will cut off discussion in mid-sentence before she can finish her thought. In many ways, he cannot even allow her to have her own thoughts.

A third category of verbal abuse is discounting. This is like taking a one hundred-dollar item and reducing its price to one cent. Discounting denies the reality and experience of the partner and is extremely destructive. It can be a most insidious form of verbal abuse because it denies and distorts the partner's actual perception of the abuse.

Verbal abuse disguised as jokes. Although his comments may masquerade as humor, they cut the partner to the quick. The verbal jabs may be delivered crassly or with great skill, but they all have the same effect of  diminishing the partner and throwing her off balance.

Blocking and diverting. The verbal abuser refuses to communicate, establishes what can be discussed, or withholds information. He can prevent any possibility of resolving conflicts by blocking and diverting.

Accusing and blaming is another form. A verbal abuser will accuse his partner of some wrongdoing or some breach of the basic agreement of the relationship. This has the effect of diverting the conversation and putting the other partner on the defensive.

Judging and criticizing. The verbal abuser may judge his partner, and then express his judgment in a critical way. If she objects, he may tell her that he is just pointing something out to be helpful, but in reality he is expressing his lack of acceptance of her.

Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive.

The Bible clearly warns us about the dangers of an angry man. Proverbs 22:24  says, "Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man." And Proverbs 29:22 says, "An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression."

It is not God's will for you (or your friends) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem.

Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them  to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.


Has your abuser done any of these to you? Deny? Blame you? Twist the facts?

Tell TheExposer about it!


x-posted to THE EXPOSER
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Enough Already!

Just received these words in an email message, and I couldn't say it better:

When I first learned of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and believed I was married to someone with the disorder, I wondered why there were not public service announcements about it. Why wasn't it front-page news? Is it news only if someone is murdered as a result of domestic violence? If there is no "body", does it mean no one has been hurt? Much light needs to be shone on this disorder and on those who suffer from it. Because although they may be compelled by their feelings to abuse others, they are nonetheless accountable. I believe there are more people suffering from NPD than the reported 1%, since most knowledge of these people is supplied by their victims.

I wholeheartedly agree. In more ways than one, this abuse ruins whole lives. It is absolutely dehumanizing. Internet support groups are fine but do nothing to stop the spread of all this pain. People find out about NPD too late, after they're already in too deep to readily escape the relationship. Children are damaged for life, many becoming narcissists themselves.

If you know people who can help, in the media or government, push the issue.

There should be public service announcements. People should know the warning signs so they take them seriously when somebody they're dating exhibits them. And people should know that some of the slanderers they listen to are malignant narcissists lieing their heads off.

I too am sure that NPD is much more common than the estimates -- because narcissists never admit there's anything less-than-perfect about themselves and because they are cunning wolves in sheep's clothing and because they usually never kill anybody. But they condemn people, especially their children, to a life sentence in hell, by killing the soul.

It's always the same old story: the malignant one comes out smelling like a rose, and the innocent victim gets the bad reputation.

Enough already. What every victim needs more than anything is justice. And so long as this living, breathing, walking disease stalks victims among us, justice will never come.


We need better laws to hold narcissists accountable for the damage they do.

We need better laws to hold narcissists accountable for the damage they do. Their MO allows them to get away with murder their whole lives, time and again.

For one thing, people have a right to their good name. We need laws against slander and calumny that have real teeth in them. That's the proverbial "fate worse than death," and yet the law holds it as no crime. We especially need strong laws when slander or calumny affects the status of employment. And when it has driven the victim to the bottom of Skid Row and/or suicide, the narcissist should go to jail. It shouldn't be so hard to prove. As in class-action cases, just allow proof by establishing a pattern. For, every narcissist has a trail of the destroyed in his or her wake.

We also need decent laws to protect people from emotional abuse. It ain't nothing. Indeed, anyone whose been abused both physically and emotionally says the emotional abuse was far worse. Rape is so heinous precisely because it's both physical and emotional abuse by somebody "tearing you down off that pedestal." Doing it some way other than sexually shouldn't make it okay.

Especially the emotional abuse of children. That should be jail time.

Narcissists should get sued for the psychological injuries they inflict. Maybe fear of that would help them restrain their predatory urges.

I do realize that saying we need strong laws is a lot easier than figuring out how to write them so that false accusations don't fly. But the difficulty in framing such laws is no excuse to just act like it ain't happening.

Countless innocent lives are ruined by serial slanderers/abusers who get away with taking people's lives from them, one after another after another, just because hurting others makes them feel good. These are human lives that go up in smoke. But the law calls no foul. So, the takers of those lives never have to pay for what they did. That isn't "liberty and justice for all."

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BROKEN GLASS: A story of personal revelation
Ever seen the signs on the wall of big buildings?
That is how it feels when you come forward to expose a predator. It is not a easy thing to do.  It exposes your own naivete and foolishness... but it also reopens the wounds.  However, both things are vitally necessary.

Let me use the following story to illustrate:

Here's a victim's story who came face to face with two predators; once as a child and again as a adult. Both different and both the same.
As a child he got to me through my church and purposely became friends with my parents. He stalked me when I walked home from school and knew my every schedule.

A man that passed himself off as ten years younger than he was.

The phone calls became horrible as I was told things I had no business hearing at the age I was.  Why didn't I speak up? Why didn't I tell someone? I still ask myself this.  Probably because I didn't know any better.

I will let you do the math.  When my parents were out for a evening one night my nightmare began.  There was no way I was going to let anyone know this.

I made myself believe it never happened. I remember it as if I was watching it happen to someone else. I did try to fight. But couldn't break free.

I lived with the memory for years and talked with counselors. Eventually I just put it away in my mind and figured I would never to revisit it again.

This past dark hidden secret created a place in me. I formed boundaries that I kept throughout the years. I didn't become attracted to men the same as other women. I had to know that I was safe. I had to have trust. I had to be convinced that they cared about me. It was going to be the real deal or no deal.  Unfortunately - I was still wounded.

That mentality did keep me pure. It kept me safe for a while. It made me very good at listening to my instincts about people.  But then I met a different sort of person.  A destructive narcissist.

Twenty years later from that traumatic experience I became friends with a man a lot older than me. Because of my prior experience, what I didn't realize was that I WAS STILL VULNERABLE.  I had the kind of vulnerability men like him smell like sharks smell blood.  I was wounded.  I was naive. I'd hit a breaking point in my life. This person knew.  Predators always HUNT THE WOUNDED

This person I thought was my friend and a sympathetic ear ended up being a predator.  A wolf in sheep's clothing.

In retrospect, he used the SAME tactics as my previous predator.  Because I had no told and had done what everyone expected me to: "just move on"... "get over it"... "don't think about it"...  I was used to those tactics.  I didn't know they weren't NORMAL.  Or that he was violating my weak boundaries.

The only difference is that he did not physically abuse me.  But he did physically USE me.

This person created what he made me believe was a "relationship" with me. He made me think he was my sympathizer in the midst of my pain.

There were red flags in the beginning. But his false sincerity and plausible explanations struck my compassionate nature and I did not walk away.  This grew into a deep intense emotionally intimate relationship for me.  The red flags were flying at me from all directions but I was blinded by him.  For him - it was all false.  All a game.

I had the information, but I had pushed it into a corner in my mind.

When I finally had to face the truth, the truth wouldn't stop coming at me.  It was traumatizing.

He used my own pain and my own mind against me.  He followed all the seduction tactics.

Not only that but he blame shifted everything on to  me and devalued me as a person with his condemnations.

The brainwashing and mental manipulation he used on me while knowing full well my personal situation was in trouble.  Like all predators, played on my trust in him and caused me to go into a whirlwind of confusion. As abused and used women do, I tried to get answers from him and he treated me like a child.  Talked down to me.

Nothing like luring you into a web, sucking your blood and then leaving you to figure out how to get out.  A typical destructive narcissist.

What just happened?  Who is this person? Whats going on? Nothing but confusion and pain and trauma.

Then I found that for him the whole thing was PRETEND. It was a set up and I'm just one of many others that fell for the same trap. In all victims there is the a common denominator of emotional & personal vulnerability. Prey.

Then he confirms what I am to him.  Nothing. Zero. 
Time To Take A Stand!
The characteristics he claimed not to like in others turned out to be what he was.  I listened to his words but now I SAW HIS ACTIONS.

I believe now that it was planned because of his mental illness and issues with women.  He appears to be a destructive narcissist and a sex addict who sees all women as objects for him to use and throw away.
Predators are liars!

They don't suffer the painful emotional torment as their victims. It is ridiculous to them.  They can't feel and they certainly can't love - NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. 

Their motto is move on to the next "blood supply" - like a vampire.
While the victim suffers usually severe emotional trama the predator moves on to his next target and carries on with his game.
I had to relive pain from my childhood because I was lied to so he could use me.

He was my enemy all along. He's no one's friend.

Take Your Power Back!
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William Michael Barber - Back Online Trolling for Prey!
If you or someone you know STILL INSISTS ON DOING ONLINE DATING or just MEETING NEW PEOPLE ONLINE -- be SURE they get this message...
WILLIAM MICHAEL BARBER (known as the 'Don Juan of Con') - convicted con man and bigamist IS BACK ON THE DATING SITES!!

They never change. They NEVER "learn their lesson." Conning people is a WAY OF LIFE and these predators go back to it ASAP!

Barber is currently using the email: M.barber52@yahoo.com

Barber is telling women he's 52 (shaving five - 5 - years off his age!)

Barber says he was "born in California" (LIE!)

from our friends at
This is the generic letter he has been sending to unsuspecting victims, chocked full of run-on sentences, grammatical, and punctuation errors. You would think a guy who 'professed to be a doctor' would know better.

Barber1 Hi Angel How you doing today how is your health and how is your day going. i use to think that all me angels are found in heaven but now i can say i was wrong cos looking at your pictures on your profile you are such an angel. These descriptive little essays are hard to do. But hopefully it gives you a glimpse of who I am as a person. Cause I'm new to this online dating. So here it goes. My name is Micheal...was born in California. i'm 52 years old I'm the kind of man that treats woman so nice with kindness and respect them i care so much i like to take my woman on dates surprise her i am here to meet someone to trust and be there for her through anything. Someone to do things with and enjoy life with I want to share my life with that special woman who would be called my Queen i've a good sense of humor Loyal Genuine I love anything to do with the ocean and beautiful sunsets i love the rain i'm a very serious person Hoping to hear from you
Well you can IM me on yahoo im at M_barber at yahoo dot com.

He professes to be new at online dating, yet he knows that online dating sites will not publish a bona fide email address when communicating via their systems, so he spells it out -- as he is well aware that the dating site's software will not catch the email address if is written that way!

In the past, Barber has had a penchant for women named Joyce or Donna. THIS MAY have changed since his conviction & incarceration.

Barber will change his information, get false identity papers and/or change his nicknames & email AS SOON AS HE KNOWS HE'S BEEN CAUGHT ON THIS ONE. BEWARE!! His last victim is lucky to be alive!

Like Ed Hicks -- these predators/ con men DO NOT CHANGE. THEY ARE INCURABLE!

Write immediately if you have any contact with this Cyberpath so we can pass the information along! (cyberpaths@gmail.com)
For more information on Barber, including pictures of this serial predator:

Surviving a Bad Choice -- by one of Barber's many Victims

FightBigamy on Barber

Very Bad Men on Barber - click on "THE DON JUAN OF CON"
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All Sociopaths/ Psychopaths Wear a Mask

All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.

This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.

And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.

And from that moment on, your relationship with the sociopath is forever changed. This moment happened for me when…after middle of the night phone calls to his house and cell phone…I looked into his eyes and I KNEW. I knew he was having an affair, and that he was a liar. A year’s worth of investigation (yes, obsessing) has confirmed that nearly everything he told me was a lie.

From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have…and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.

Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who the sociopath actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.

I equate the mask with a coin…beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.

I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful…seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.

After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship.

And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).

They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you.

Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you… that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.

It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone… within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again… unless there is something very specific they want from you.

And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.

It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human”…I prefer to think of them as aliens).

No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly… beneath the mask.

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When a narcissistic type (most cyberpaths & predators are NARCISSISTIC and/ or SOCIOPATHIC!)
launches one of his surprise attacks, a normal person's first reaction is to assume it's a misunderstanding and try to resolve it. That's her first mistake. She does this because she assumes she is dealing with a normal human being, who must have felt offended by something.

But a narcissist evades and discourages your attempts to find out why he's mad.

Typically he does this with a reply that is a reply to something other than what you said. So, to an observer who entered at your question it would seem that you are like two actors saying lines from the scripts of different plays. In fact, that is essentially what's happening. Remember, the narcissist has the personality of a little child, who does not distinguish between reality and fantasy. So, his off-the-wall reply IS a line from a script, the fiction about this incident that he is imagining.

This is how the verbal exchange typically plays out. You ask why he's mad. He has no answer that he dares acknowledge, so the question is a threat to his delusions. At all costs, he must protect them. So, he annihilates your question by acting as though you never asked it. You get a comeback that replies to something other than what you said.

That's his way of crossing out your words and revising them. Typically his non-answer hurls an incitatory insult, hurtful flippant comment or wild accusation. It's bait to draw you off the scent.

His favorite wild accusation is that YOU are always hurling wild accusations at him. Before you know it, this living, breathing Projection Machine is acting out a fictitious script in which YOU are the one who got mad, YOU are the one "flying into one of your rages" over nothing.

And he is doing his best to make it so. He is trying to outrage you. Moreover, outraging you will really make him feel grand about how mightily he vaunted himself on you.

Victims typically report that the narcissist twists everything so fast and furiously that it makes their heads spin. CLICK HERE FOR A GREAT EXAMPLE

Sanity will get no further with him on these points than it did on the first point. For, he ain't all there. He's off in his own little world, simultaneously writing the play and acting out the part of the hero in it.

If you contradict these lies (by telling the truth), he will do whatever is necessary to cram them down your throat. (sounds like Beckstead, Thomas & Gridney/ YidwithLid, Gash, Jacoby, Hicks)

Like a three-year-old, volume is his weapon of choice: He will scream to yell you down and silence you. Or post lies & smear about you all over the web. If that doesn't work, he'll probably get physical. (if he stalks you he will find a way to make it look like YOU are the stalker! Including reporting YOU to the police... using selective information to make YOU LOOK BAD)

Also, narcissists relentlessly block communication by yanking a conversation bewilderingly off track every which way at once. They say it's "not a good idea" that you two talk. Maybe their girlfriend, wife or boss (or THERAPIST!) doesn't want you talking anymore to each other. Convenient way to duck out of the truth and a real apology.
They LOVE when THEY'VE involved you in infidelity - they BLAME you for the whole thing, say you "KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO" or "IT WAS JUST A GAME AND SHE KNEW IT" and then say their counselor, pastor, rabbi, priest says that "you have to stop speaking to her." Makes it really easy for them, don't it?

So, rarely can you say afterwards what a rage or an argument was even about. Usually it's some vague rendition of you just being the way you are. And the narcissist says he doesn't have to put up with that. Its HIS story - or it's NO STORY!!

You can't even just try to smooth it over with some form of appeasement. You try to take down postings about them, say you're sorry too, offer to talk - but NOOOOOOO! That's about as effective as it was with Adolf Hitler. His eyes light up at that — vroom! — he just shifts into high gear and runs you over. In other words, he just gets madder.

Because you gave an inch, he takes a mile.

He acts like he's the one who is outraged, but that's part of the farce produced by his Magical Thinking Machine. You are the one subjected to outrage.

This is a willful and wanton outrage. Their aim is to outrage you, to break you down into burning outraged tears. That's victory for the bully.

The reason all this outrages you is because it is an outrage. Especially in trying to cram his lies about you down your throat. That's extreme perversity — making someone bend over for it.

And, if you have any respect for Truth, his willful and wanton contempt for it is another outrage.


So, don't let anybody send you on a guilt trip over this. First, you did nothing to provoke it except get caught in his cross hairs.
Second, don't let any airhead who just mouths whatever nonsense blows in the wind today tell you that you shouldn't be angry or to "just let it go."
It is absurd to regard feelings as wrong or sinful. If a person gets burnt, there's something wrong with him if he doesn't feel burnt. Feelings are not a matter of choice, an act of the will. We can lie about them. We can deny/repress them. But we can't change them.

Know your anger. Because it's dangerous to repress it. Doing so just banishes it to the subconscious where it still motivates your behavior like an unseen puppet master.

Know your anger, so you can deal with it appropriately and temper it with reason and good judgment.


Sandra Brown, MA
(The Institute for Healing Relational Harm & Psychopath Education) says:

He sees himself as right, the victim, or the only one that knows anything at all. He sees you as the re-victimizer of him, wonderful and yet horrible, needed and yet hated, smart yet dependent on him, in need of his brilliance, faulty without him, as pathological as he is... and the list goes on.

Pathology is the inability to change and sustain change, grow in any meaningful way, or develop insight about how one's behavior effects other. If he can't change he projects his inability on you and makes it YOUR fault or YOUR inability to change that is the problem in the relationship. He acts as if he should not be asked to change or he has changed when he hasn't. He makes you 'think' that you asked for something huge and wrong for him to change OR that what needs changing is only you and nothing in him. If he can't grow in any meaningful way, he projects his non-growth onto the relationship and suggests it's the relationship stagnation you are really experiencing.

If you could only GROW to accept him in all his pathology, then the relationship would thrive. If he can't develop insight about how his behavior effects others, he projects his undeveloped insight on you and says these are your traits. And you simply don't understand 'what you are doing to him.'

All his anger is yours, all his deviancy is yours, you are just as sick as he is which is why you are a great match, all his lying is yours, all his manipulations are yours. That's because in pathology they are MASTER PROJECTORS. It is in fact, one of the 'symptoms' of pathology. They take all their pathological attributes and say they are YOURS.
The Master Projection he uses causes similar symptoms as people who have been held captive, thrust into cults, or held prisoner in other people's belief systems. These are intensely programmed beliefs that are not 'removed' simply because you break up.

Lingering effects means that specialized treatment is required. Just for today, allow the possibility that none of what he said is really about you. See if all those attributes aren't really HIS...
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excerpted from this great, must read site! CLICK HERE:

A Cyberpath/ Narcissist is like a vampire who drains the emotional and even physical energy out of those close to him. He identifies and cultivates his prey, using them as a source of supply to feed his never-ending egotistical needs.
Emotional Vampire Pictures, Images and Photos
Should his source not be good enough, he will dump it and can cut people off in an instant without a second thought. If he believes that the source has potential to be a good one, he will however nurture it and cultivate it carefully. This is where his charming self comes into play.

Everyone is a source of supply to him and he cultivates this in everyone that he encounters and deals with. Those closest to him are however given the special honour of being his greatest source of narcissistic supply and will be severely punished if they falter at all.

From his family in particular the narcissist demands unquestioning obedience, unwavering belief in him, complete subjugation to his whims and needs and perpetual attention.

There is another aspect to this however. The narcissist does not only feed of adoration and gratitude, but on negative emotion as well. You are his mirror and as long as you are reflecting (reacting), his needs are being fed.
Often he will go out of his way to provoke a negative reaction purely so that he can get some sort of "power feed".
Remember that the mirror he is looking into is not made of glass, but of water. It is constantly moving and rippling. It is vibrant and alive. This activity seems to be a key factor for the narcissist, as if it in itself validates him and makes him more real and less illusion.

When the waters get too calm and there is not enough movement, he will toss a pebble in and create some ripples just to get things going again. It gives him an enormous sense of power to know that he can so easily evoke reactions in his victims. Even after he's been exposed he loves pushing his "false version" of events just to upset his victim.

It often seems as if the narcissist is just plain bored when there isn't some drama around to feed him and, when all else fails, he will whip up a quick batch out of nothing. He will provoke you, taunt you, beat you, berate you - whatever it takes. Once you have given him sufficient response, he will finally sit back satisfied, in the same way that you or I may sit back in mellow pleasure after a good meal.

This is exactly what his dramas are to him. A good meal.

In this same vein, narcissists love a good accident, a good disaster or a really juicy crisis. It doesn't matter whether it involves them or not. As long as they know about it they will make it about themselves in one way or another, wringing out of it every drop of sympathy or admiration that they possibly can.

They also love success stories, especially their own. They in fact have hundreds of success stories at hand with which to impress and win admiration. It may not be their story, but that's beside the point. Somehow they will make it theirs and if it actually belongs to someone close to them, you can be sure that they are the sole reason for that person's success.

An extremely difficult issue to come to terms with when you discover that your Cyberpath is a narcissist, is the awful, gut-wrenching realisation that this person has never loved you.They do not love, period.The only concept of love that they possess is the realization that it matters to the rest of us and it is therefore something that they can use. A weapon in their well-stocked arsenal.

To the abuser you are no more than an object for self-gratification. Like a desk or a chair. Sex with you is merely sex with a 'blow-up doll with a pulse.You have no individual identity, which is why they get so enraged when you act as if you do. Your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors are meant to exist and be employed for one purpose only - to make the narcissist look good and feel satisfied.

This is why he is so hell-bent on controlling every aspect of you and your life. - In his view of the world, it all belongs to him. He is a demi-god. He believes that he can destroy you. This creative power of his applies to every aspect of everyone in his life. Without him you would be nothing and it frustrates him enormously when you refuse to realize this and grovel in gratitude that he even bothered to pay attention to you.

If you have a narcissistic Cyberpath in your life, please come to terms with the fact that you are not going to change him or her. The potential that you are clinging to is an illusion, the nice guy that you sometimes see is a manipulative mask, the dream of happy ever after is a pipe dream and the concept of love overcoming all is delusional. For love to have power, it has to exist in the first place. With a Cyberpath it doesn't and there is about a 99.9% chance that it never will.

If you think that your love for them can overcome on its own, you are engaged in magical thinking. These people are unreachable because they choose to be and it is a choice that nothing you do or feel can ever change.

Probably the most important thing to remember with a Cyberpath is that you will never win. They are beyond being rational, they do not listen to anyone else unless it is about them and when they do catch the odd thing that you have said they will normally distort it and use it against you at some stage.

Never ever show any weakness with them because they will store it away - for a lifetime if necessary - and use it against you (or someone else) some day. They go for the jugular because that is the quickest access point to maximum blood and this is exactly what they are after - your very life blood.
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Gareth (Gary) John Davies
Age: 43-44

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

British Citizen but possesses an Indiana Drivers License.

ONLINE ACTIVITIES: Gary usually hangs out on Pogo and other multi player card and cribbage type sites and meets people there.

This British man is currently known to be in the Montreal, Canada area. (as of Nov. 2008)

He has an expired U.S. visitor's visa from 5 years ago. He is a compulsive liar (possible Psychopath) and trolls for women in the online dating and other sites. He speaks with a British accent.

He has a warrants for domestic abuse, identity theft and is being looked for in Illinois, Indiana, Arizona and Europe as well.

Gary is a bigamist with a wife in Germany, a wife in England, and who knows how many in the United States. He is a Contract Tile and Granite floor type worker.

Because of his theft of one of his victim's Social Security number, he was able to get contract jobs laying tile.

Within 2 months of meeting a woman in Arizona, he had asked her to marry him, persuaded her to buy him a truck and then he went off to Vegas with stolen credit cards he applied for online in her name, and gambled a hefty 10 grand worth of money away. As well as purchasing a 2000 bracelet for another woman while in Vegas.

He has tons of tattoos over his whole body, has very rotten teeth and he is great at telling lies!

Gary has caused so much trouble. One victim is now fighting with the I.R.S. over income he made using her Social Security number. He also is very violent and controlling. He likes to say he was in the S.A.S. (special forces in Britain) and tells stories of killing an Irish Man and jumping from planes as a parachute person.


He can be charming as hell and can tell lies with the best of them. People all over the States have small claim suits against him for tile and granite jobs he was paid on that weren't completed.

He likes Ford Mustangs, the Taz cartoon Character, playing games online, Iron Maiden (he also says he was a body guard for the lead singer at one time) he drinks, smokes, and is horrible in bed.

Please help spread the word on this sociopath. He is ruining lives across North America and needs to be stopped!

Submitted by one of our readers
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